You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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