hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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