I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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