well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
i wish my penis had a tongue
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
