Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I CAN MOONWALK!
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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