There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
