She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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