Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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