EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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