What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
