I wish I could punch you in the face.
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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