Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
