That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I'm passing your future prison.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
