Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
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