I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Randomize
