not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Randomize
