would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
