I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
