did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
