please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
