My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
