no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
