It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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