dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Randomize
