He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
