turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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