Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
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