There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Randomize
