ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
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