You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize