Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Randomize
