So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
