Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize