see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
She's like a pop up book from hell.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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