alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
