I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize