You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Don't make out with my wife yet
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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