Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Randomize