My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Randomize
