I could have mohawked her pubes.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize