Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize