the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Randomize
