As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Two words: nipple clamps
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