so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
