I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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