is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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