I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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