Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
