I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
