god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
