there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
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