These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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