dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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