A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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