After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
