Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
