Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
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