I'll bet she douches with gravy.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
