awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
