Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
