she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
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