we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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