Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
