I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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