Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
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