she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
