Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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