i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
