Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
