She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
