I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Randomize
