They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
we should paint friendship bongs
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
