I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
