I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
