just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
