You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
