getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Randomize